Saturday Sunny Day

Today I made two new friends, Kira and Elijah. Kira is Elijah’s beautiful mother and Elijah’s is one of the coolest babies I’ve ever met. It was beautiful to see how my husband played with him. I had never seen him play with a child like this before. NEVER, seriously. He held him the whole day and you just couldn’t take Elijah away from him.


It was beautiful. I cried a bit when no one could see.


I still haven’t ovulated. At least all tests came back negative including the one I took today, day 20 of my cycle. I started to think that I probably already ovulated. I started checking day 12 because I know I never ovulate before day 14. So I am probably out this month.


Started going to the gym. I hope I manage to keep going...

Day 16 and only negative opk

This will be a loooong cycle. Day 16 and no sign of ovulation.

I know it is common for many women to ovulate late in their cycle and it wouldn’t be the first time to happen to me to be sincere. I am getting already anxious and frustrated, usually I only feel this way around day 27. I am almost giving up on the idea of having a baby. It is just too much pressure…


I haven’t had a lot of pain in my last period. This makes me believe that acupuncture has done its job. It really didn’t bother me and I haven’t had the periodical cramp as usual. Last time, which was last Wednesday, a week ago, he placed a needle in my belly. Usually he only puts them on my back.


I just had a huge fight with my husband. I think I don’t have lots of patience lately and now I can see that he really doesn’t understand what I am going through. How could he? The weight of this infertility is mostly over my shoulders. He is pushing to do in vitro but I just don’t feel I am ready. I am so afraid of another fail.


Please, let it be positive tomorrow.

Infertility is like the economic crisis...

Infertility is like the economic crisis, nobody really knows how it started and how to solve it. Sounds like a cheap metaphor but that’s what I was thinking while watching Fareed Zakaria GPS this morning. One more prove that we think about our infertility even when we are not.


Yesterday a friend told me what her gynecologist told her about infertility treatments “it’s all voodoo science”. I think I agree with her. It’s an awful thing to hear from your doctor that he doesn’t know what is going with you, that he doesn't understand how this particular woman can not do what she should be able to by nature. You don’t know, they don’t know, I don’t even know if God knows. I obviously appreciate all the studies and progress made in medicine and technology. I can't even start to imagine how difficult it must have been for so many many women in the past (and still in the present) to have no idea what goes on with their bodies. The progress our society have made is grandiose but the truth is that we haven’t shed as much light as we think in the mystery of life.

You hear all this stories about how people tried to get pregnant for so long and then suddenly they get pregnant or even people who were told that they would never be able to conceive and they get pregnant in the very first time they try. What did they do differently? Was it something they could control? Or is it all just random?

Here we go once again

After being 2 days late my period finally showed up this morning. One more cycle gone and here we go once again. I ask myself if it will ever work…


I haven’t been really doing my diet or exercises, as we were on vacation during the holidays and there was no restaurant advertising an endo friendly menu. The trip was amazing though. My hubby and I kind of rediscovered what is to be in love, have fun and enjoy each other. All the fertility treatments we went through last few months, hospital visits, timed intercourses and failing every month took away a little of the sparkle and excitement of being with each other.


As we came back to real life again he started asking me about what should be our next step. Start researching IVF. Ufff… I was hoping we wouldn’t get here so soon. But time flies. I am really unsure about what to do. My tubes might be damaged and the endometriosis could be affecting the whole process… and this would be the reason why everything we tried until now has failed us. Laparoscopy, IUI, Clomid, Herbs, Acupuncture …

So unfair that you do everything right in life and finally end up in a situation like this.

What should I do? Is IVF the answer?
I definitely don’t know… I had no resolutions this year except try to be more patient… for now, not being successful…