Trying to keep positive

Here is a picture of my nightstand, and this is only the stuff I am using all the time, if you open the first drawer you will find three times more... Am I the only crazy one that obsesses about my infertility and endometriosis? Hope not.

From this month I decided that I won’t be going to acupuncture anymore. My acupuncturist had “promised” me that he would help me to get pregnant until spring. No need to say, I am still childless. 

I understand that it was a promise he made in order to give me hope and keep me positive. I wish it had become true and every month I was sure that I was indeed pregnant. Fooling myself with symptoms. Ladies, spotting is spotting! Let’s stop going crazy with what does it mean if it is pink red or brownish or just a little or early… I do not test anymore. I have a rule, 5 days late and I go to the nurse office to ask for a blood test. It is hard to wait but I believe it is better to get a definite result than testing and getting false hopes. Which doesn't mean that by day 28 of my cycle I am not typing into my google search all the symptoms I have (mostly in my head).

Also, I was expecting him to make his research about my condition and really give me an individual treatment. Suggest me herbs, make a calendar planning of when to take what… I don’t know, a real alternative treatment designed specifically for me. That’s why I paid 80 dollars per visit. But I wasn’t getting it, and for a general treatment that is used on any other person, I can get a doctor's appointment covered by my insurance. In fact, I would tell him what I read and what I am taking and he would write it down to read about it later and maybe suggest other patients the same. I wanted to say sometimes “Bryon, I am not paying you so you can take lessons from me”. Anyway, it is not his fault I am not pregnant, I just lost my faith on him, and this is more than enough to not go anymore.

I am still taking the evening primrose oil and I took aspirins during this whole cycle, still taking it. My midwife’s neighbor told her to keep taking it although she is already pregnant. According to her, in the future, all women will take baby aspirins when trying to conceive or seeking for fertility enhancement.  

This month I know I am out. I am on day 22 of my cycle but we didn’t have a chance to baby dance as much as I would have liked. We were both busy during fertile days and just did it twice. I barely saw my husband that week and the following. So, I don’t believe that was enough juice to get me preggos :) I did read about a lot of other alternative methods to get pregnant but they were all really weird and decided not to post. There is a limit to everything. My suggestion for today is just to try to keep positive, and keep your mind in the target. Every night when I am almost asleep I picture myself carrying my baby in my arms and I know that when this day gets here I will think it was all worth it!