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Friday, June 15, 2012

Trying to keep positive


Here is a picture of my nightstand, and this is only the stuff I am using all the time, if you open the first drawer you will find three times more... Am I the only crazy one that obsesses about my infertility and endometriosis? Hope not.



From this month I decided that I won’t be going to acupuncture anymore. My acupuncturist had “promised” me that he would help me to get pregnant until spring. No need to say, I am still childless. 

I understand that it was a promise he made in order to give me hope and keep me positive. I wish it had become true and every month I was sure that I was indeed pregnant. Fooling myself with symptoms. Ladies, spotting is spotting! Let’s stop going crazy with what does it mean if it is pink red or brownish or just a little or early… I do not test anymore. I have a rule, 5 days late and I go to the nurse office to ask for a blood test. It is hard to wait but I believe it is better to get a definite result than testing and getting false hopes. Which doesn't mean that by day 28 of my cycle I am not typing into my google search all the symptoms I have (mostly in my head).

Also, I was expecting him to make his research about my condition and really give me an individual treatment. Suggest me herbs, make a calendar planning of when to take what… I don’t know, a real alternative treatment designed specifically for me. That’s why I paid 80 dollars per visit. But I wasn’t getting it, and for a general treatment that is used on any other person, I can get a doctor's appointment covered by my insurance. In fact, I would tell him what I read and what I am taking and he would write it down to read about it later and maybe suggest other patients the same. I wanted to say sometimes “Bryon, I am not paying you so you can take lessons from me”. Anyway, it is not his fault I am not pregnant, I just lost my faith on him, and this is more than enough to not go anymore.

I am still taking the evening primrose oil and I took aspirins during this whole cycle, still taking it. My midwife’s neighbor told her to keep taking it although she is already pregnant. According to her, in the future, all women will take baby aspirins when trying to conceive or seeking for fertility enhancement.  

This month I know I am out. I am on day 22 of my cycle but we didn’t have a chance to baby dance as much as I would have liked. We were both busy during fertile days and just did it twice. I barely saw my husband that week and the following. So, I don’t believe that was enough juice to get me preggos :) I did read about a lot of other alternative methods to get pregnant but they were all really weird and decided not to post. There is a limit to everything. My suggestion for today is just to try to keep positive, and keep your mind in the target. Every night when I am almost asleep I picture myself carrying my baby in my arms and I know that when this day gets here I will think it was all worth it!

4 comments:

  1. When we moved we had to clean out my "vitamin cabinet". It filled up an entire medium sized box... I got rid of a lot and now it's all in a wicker basket on the bar in our kitchen.

    I'm not a fan of baby aspirin, I don't think it's for everyone. For me even just the 81 mg is enough to cause my egg to not release. My body will just keep gearing up to O with EWCM, +OPKs, but never a temp rise. As soon as I stop the baby aspirin I'll O about 3-4 days later. Every single cycle it's happened! So I don't take it, I don't have any known blood clotting disorders anyway.

    What is the St. John's Wart for? I've always read it's not supposed to be taken while TTC, but I can't for the life of me remember why!

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  2. :D Good to know someone else is going crazy buying all the vitamins and supplements they find as well...

    I remember you told me about baby aspirin... Maybe I have to start temping again and check if it is ok for me... I pass a lot of clots during my cycle, so I am thinking that maybe if I take the aspirin my lining would be better... I don't know dear, I am trying everything.

    St. John's wort is a herb to ease anxiety and depression. I've read around and they say you shouldn't take it while trying to get pregnant because they don't know if it might affect or not. So, as everything else, you never know...

    Honestly I think my anxiety is what plays majorly in my infertility. Doctors never found what is "wrong" with me. And my new doctor has been saying that my prolactin is elevated probably because of stress. I am very anxious and I get nervous for anything, I think it is because I had a very unstable childhood. Anything upsets me, and I feel like waves of stiffness through all my muscles. I have trouble to fall sleep all the time...

    Two weeks ago we had a little birthday party for me and more people came that we were expecting and the food was gone really fast and I was so nervous about what people were thinking for the next 2 weeks... I do feel like I have to control this anxiety somehow or it will even become a major issue later.

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  3. I laughed when I saw your picture because that is what my vitamin cabinet looks like too! I think one day taking all these supplements will be worth it! I like that you picture having your baby in your arms--I hope your day is just around the corner!

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  4. :D It's important we try different things... sitting with crossed arms sure won't help! We might at some point stumble with something effective!! That´s why it is so important to hear everybody´s experience...

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