Acupuncture for infertility

I started going twice per week to the acupuncture last month. Now I am going once per week because it was too heavy in our pockets and also Dr. Kim said that he needs to see more frequently in the beginning of the treatment and then later we can do it every other week.

Obviously I am not pregnant yet but I do feel differences. For example I went to my first acupuncture session right after I knew the IVF hadn't worked.  I was spotting really dark for several weeks and then the next day after the acupuncture my period finally came stronger instead of the constant spotting and I had mild cramps instead of the severe one I usually have. Well, that could also be because of the hormone treatment so I am expecting my next cycle to end to see if the results are consistent.

He places more than 30 needles around my body. I took a picture of my abdomen so you guys can see it. After inserting the needles he has a standing electric heater that he places right above my belly for the first 25 minutes and then comes check all the needles and move the heater to my feet for the next 20 minutes.

I also have needles in my head to treat my anxiety/depression. I think I am still anxious about the whole thing. How do we turn off that overwhelming desire of having a beautiful healthy baby? I am working really hard on that. I have been meditating more, trying to clean my head of thoughts at least once per day and trying to concentrate on the positive things of my life...

Lookind ahead

Is it really almost the end of the year? Is there only two more months in 2012? Time really does fly or is it only me? It has been quite some time that I don’t post. I have been waiting to feel more positive, to be in a better mood. I don’t want to bore or depress my readers. If you seek this subject (infertility, endometriosis) online you probably already have quite few problems of your own. 

My friend Vicente told me once that my blog was very negative. He said, "I just read the first two sentences - title and subtitle, I guess - and just saw negative words". He is really into “intenSati” lifestyle and he’s learning lots about being more of a positive person ever since he started. I cannot change the circumstances of my life, and my life is a bit sad and negative, but I can change the dark scheme of colors and the wording of this page. So, if you are a reader of my blog you will notice few differences in the page. 

I might not be able to turn my life around 360 degree but I can also try to learn how to be more positive and relaxed. It sounds a little cheesy and cliché the whole “think positive” thing but it does seem much easier to live focusing in the order of things and not the chaos. Mind and body are in constant balance and I must find that balance.

When I started this blog my objective was to find people that were going through the same, so we could talk and share experiences. I actually have found people I can talk freely and relate to. I also wanted to “find” a way to improve my condition by hearing others experiences and trying things in a less western kind of way. I kind of gave up in all the Alternative Medicine when I started thinking about IVF. I thought it was a quicker solution. Boy was I wrong!? IVF really disturbed not only my mind but also my husband’s. It completely messed up my cycle – I’ve been spotting for more than 2 weeks now. And it is obviously getting in the way of my marriage. 

I decided to stop trying so hard. No doctor seems to find a specific problem with me. Yes, I have endometriosis, yes, I am low responder, yes, I have been trying for almost 3 years, but still haven’t other women with similar issues had their families and moved on. Deep down I know that I am very anxious and stress probably plays a big role in this whole infertility issue. 

I am back to Acupuncture. This time I found a new place with a Korean practitioner that have been doing it for more than 30 years and have gotten his practice from his father that was also an acupuncture practitioner back in Korea. I feel completely different when I have my consult with Dr. Kim compared to how it was with Bryon Jones. He did insist to see me more times, every week for the first two months. He said that I have lots of stagnation in abdomen area and that qi is not flowing.

Dr. Kim has been trying to help me with my anxiety as well. He applies several needles in my head, forehead, ears and sides of my neck. I count last time there were about 32 needles distributed in my body. Last time I was complaining about insomnia, I suffer of it from time to time. He suggested I meditate for a little bit every day, he showed me how to sit and breathe. To be honest I haven’t started yet, but I have been going to yoga classes. 

Last month I started a yoga classes every Sunday that it is taught by a retired cardiovascular surgeon in a Hindu temple. We meditate and after few ohms I feel like I am going to fly. The days I still feel uneasy and anxious I take a Valerian herbal pill. I am getting back to normal, one day after another. It will take some time but I hope to be feeling like usual or better by Christmas time. I can only change the future, it is time to look ahead and forget the rest.

Life after a failed IVF

We always knew that the chances were very small, even more when our doctor said I was a low responder and not only did I not produce more eggs than it was expected but also my little angels-embryos had a late development during fertilization. Even when you know, you keep hoping and praying for yourself that you will be one of those exceptions or happy end stories. Well, we were not, and it hurts.

My period has been crazy. I started spotting on Wednesday (26^th Sept.) and then next day nothing. Friday it came back again, now with lots of cramps and lower back pain. The cramps are way worse, they come in waves and I can feel all the muscles contracting like a cramp in your leg when you’re swimming or something…  For the last four days I have a very light spotting and not much pain. Another strange fact is that my temperatures are way up. Friday (98.3F), Saturday (98.1F) and Tuesday (97.8F). I believe this is why my period is like undecided on whether come or not, usually my temperatures fall to 96.9 – 97.1 on the first day of my cycle. The doctor said that it will take at least one cycle for my body come back to normal. 

On Sunday I had a meltdown. As every other couple, my husband and I have issues that we can never resolve, and every time we have to face them we have a fight. Sunday, however, it was blown up way out of proportion.  He didn’t behave like an understanding husband and I got really mad and then (as it usually happens with us) he got mad at me because I was mad. He has this conception where I have to contain myself just so he doesn't get angry. I realize it was one of those lose-lose situations and when we got home I took some stuff and I was ready to spend the night at a friend’s house. I am sure it would have been ok the next day, if he didn’t have threatened me that I couldn’t come back if I left and then took my car keys away when I was ready to leave anyways.

When I get nervous I get into a crazy spiral. I get mad, stressed, nervous, really nervous and then hysteric. We both know that and usually he takes a step back and leave me alone or I take a step back and leave the situation for a while so we can talk it out when we are cool and calm. That did not happen. I couldn’t leave and I got hysteric, I threw up twice and I had difficulties breathing. He got nervous seeing me this way and got himself into a crazy frenzy of kicking stuff around the house. He is usually not like this, that's why I know this infertility stuff is probably affecting him more than I could imagine.

Now we are sleeping in different rooms, we don’t talk to each other. I can’t stop crying, I feel I can’t breathe all the time, my chest hurts... Though, I understand we are both going through a crazy thing, I am still very disappointed with him. I understand he is as frustrated as I am for having a negative result but he should be aware that being someone’s support take much more than what I have been getting from him. 

Infertility is taking all my dreams away.

How long does it take for a HCG shot (pregnyl) to leave your system?

I saw this question posted in several forums and blogs and decided to write about my experience with it. I know that during our 2 weeks wait we are always obsessing to know if we are getting a real BFP and I hope my experience can help someone looking for a little comfort.

I took HCG shots to trigger my ovulation in all 4 IUIs. The doctors would say that I could only have a beta at least 14 days after the HCG shot to avoid false positives. I don’t remember how much was the dose but 7 after the shot I would have negative urine tests. There was this once when I had a blood test exactly 14 days after my shot and it came back inconclusive. I don’t really know if it was a chemical or traces of the shot because the next day AF arrived. 

During my last IVF cycle I had not only a HCG trigger shot but I also had a second shot in the middle of the 2 week wait as a booster (5000 iu). 5 days after the booster (15 dpo or 13dp2dt ) my doctor asked for a beta. I couldn’t really understand why he would ask me to have a blood test when it would be probably a deceiving result. My beta was 28. He said that it was probably negative because by this time if there was a healthy embryo and it had implanted I should have at least a beta of 50-60. He also said that I probably had an implantation but it didn’t take because if it was only traces of the shot I would have a beta with less than 16. 

I don’t know if I believe him or not. He probably has more experience than I do with all this hormone craziness. I read that it takes 1 day per 1000 iu for the HCG shot leave your system. Obviously, in my case 5 days after the shot I still had HCG in my blood stream. I would say that testing only 2 weeks after is being too cautious but testing 5 days later is maybe too early. The doctor told me then to stop all the shots (yay!) and wait for my period :( AF has not shown it ugly face yet but I’ve been testing at home and the line gradually disappeared around 7-8 days after the shot. 

To conclude, I think everyone is different and it probably depends on your weight, if you drink lots of liquids after the shot, the dose administrated and etc. My experience says my body takes a week to excrete the whole 5000 IU Pregnyl shot. I do believe if you have a HCG trigger and a week later you have a positive stick in your hand or if you faint line gets darker the following days you are probably looking at the real thing. 

Confusing news and results

I have been waiting anxiously to write a post here. The second week wait wasn't pleasant but not as awful as I thought it would be. I got really anxious two days before my first beta that was schedule for yesterday, and to make things easier on my nerves they made me wait for the quantitative results until this morning.

So I have some confusing news to share. My IVF doctor had asked for a pregnancy test on day 13 after the transfer (13dp2dt) and since I am back to the States I went to my clinic and ask for the test. The nurse didn't really wanted to give me a blood test, she first offered a urine test and after I decline she sent me directly to the laboratory although this is obviously not the standard procedure. She was not an american, otherwise I don't think I would have gotten my beta right now. I don't want to generalize but a regular American (maybe the ones with a lower education level) can not really think outside of the box. Once, at the hospital the receptionist asked me to read my social number because she got confused with the way I wrote the numbers!!! What?! "My no. one is not a single straight vertical dash", she said, but it is exactly like this "1", a little pointy at the top. I am tolerant with cultural differences not with old good fashion stupidity.

Here is where it gets really confusing and frustrating and my tears are covering my face as write this. The test was positive with beta of 28. If it was a natural cycle I would be more than happy by now but 5 days ago I had a HCG booster shot (pregnyl) of 5000 iu. I really don't understand why my doctor would ask a pregnancy test after such a short time of a HCG shot. I seriously suspect that he is trying to deceive us at having one positive pregnancy test. It could also be my nervous and stressed mind thinking the worse of people.

Now, I would like to have a second and maybe a third test like any other person that goes through IVF, but my clinic now has to follow procedure and that said I need to make an OB appointment. I just tried to do schedule it, but as soon as I said the I had an IVF done all the doors shut down on my face and they suggest I go back to my IVF clinic and come back when I know for sure I am pregnant.

I understand I am a particular case, that not a lot of women have IVF in one country and then have to live in another for work reasons. Also, I can see that having a military health insurance (Tricare) makes it even more difficult for them to adapt to a diferent situation, everything has to follow protocol. So what do I do no??

I might have to look for a private clinic to keep going with my treatment. This is ridiculous. My husband came back from work and he saw I was upset on the phone but it didn't really help. Every time I look at him I feel even more like a failure. We shouldn't have done IVF this way, I knew from the beginning but every time I would say no he would get really mad thinking I wasn't doing my part, that I was just giving up. Even the doctor suggested that we should wait a little more and pursuit IVF a little later but when DH sets something on his mind it is as good as done. He actually thanked me every time he would give me a shot for doing this for the family. Sometime I whished he was a more relaxed person but he is as anxious as I am. Also I believe technology has spoiled us. We are used to have whatever we want, whenever we want, wherever we are.

Nobody is to blame here, not us or the doctors not even the f@%&-?#% Tricare. The fact is that we need to learn to be more patient and understand that sometimes the universe works in mysterious ways.

One week after transfer, one week to go

Today is officially the end of the first week wait. It was not that terrible really. I mean, of course I am constantly over analyzing my symptoms but the time seemed to fly. I am still sleeping off the time difference.

The trip back to the U.S. wasn’t so bad. Fortunately I was able to sleep half of the trip, also I found very kind people in my way that would help me with my hand luggage. I read that I shouldn’t lift more than 5 pounds, so I packed I really light hand luggage, only a jacket and my laptop.

I also read a lot about resting and diets that you should do after the transfer. To be sincere I am not following anything strictly. All the suggestions people give contradict each other and I am afraid of doing something wrong, trying to do the right thing. I decide I will continue with my life normally and just try to take it easy in exercise or heavy food. I have been having soup almost every day. First, I love soups, and because it is easier for the stomach to process. I want my whole buddy concentrating its energy in hugging the embryos and making a nice and healthy environment for them to grow strong.

I do have a little anecdote from my trip. On the longest flight from Zurich to Philadelphia I had the company of a very persistent Protestant-Christian-Republican guy. As soon as we started talking I thought to myself and actually even told him that I wasn’t interested in discussing very deep stuff. Obviously we wouldn’t share the same point views. I realized he would try to start a conversation all the time and try to steer it to a religious topic. When the plane was getting close to land he became very aggressive and like in a rush to preach me his agenda.

I lived in many countries and I think I am learning how to be more and more tolerant, not only religiously wise but in all aspects. I used to love debating but I learned that only words won’t change opinions that easily. I mean, you should have an opinion and beliefs but if you choose to share it with others you have to be prepared to have someone disagreeing with you and understand that he might be right even when being wrong. One single thing can be looked at so many different perspectives that I will never be so arrogant as to think I know it all. “The more I learn the less I know”, “all I know is that I know nothing” … Just to conclude, protestants, Christians, republicans, liberals, atheists, Catholics, democrats, everybody, do not alienate people. I end the conversation with the guy being a little rough but still politely enough. I didn’t want to get nervous or stressed and hurt my little embryos with a conversation that had no benefit at all for both of us.

I have been feeling cramps ever since the transfer. Every time I stand up I have very sharp cramps that last for 5 seconds and the completely go away. I typed into Dr. Google and the comments were from “implantation cramps” to “early miscarriage”. We found our doctor yesterday on Skype and we asked him because yesterday I was feeling really dizzy as well. The doctor said that cramps are a good sign and 9 days after transfer I might feel my breasts more sensitive.

Just for my despair, today I have no cramps. I only wished I could know if it worked before I have to take all the remaining injections. I have a feeling the next week will be way longer than the last one.

The Transfer

On Wednesday, I had a 2 days transfer. I read a lot around and I see that there are a lot of discussions about it since most clinics do a 3-5 day transfer. From the forum discussions I concluded that the most recent ones mention a 2 day transfer, maybe it is a new trend. I actually agree with my doctor when he says he prefers the embryo to be transferred as soon as possible and let the womb work its miracle.

We had a nice long talk before the transfer because the two beds were occupied with 2 ladies that had just had their transfer. We have to lay down for a little over an hour after the transfer. He told me that from my four eggs, one was inactive, probably too old and another one were not mature enough to be fertilized. We ended up with 2 embryos of 2 cells. He explained that on day 2 they should be between 2-4 cells. He expressed a little concern saying that they multiplied that morning instead of doing it during the night; they had then an 8 hours “develop-delay”.

As he is explaining everything to me I am laughing inside my head. I am known for not being a night person, my husband loves going out at night and I always hated it. I like going to sleep around 10 and my brain starts working only in the morning after my coffee jump start.

The transfer was exactly like an insemination. The doctor opened my cervix and inserted a catheter that contained the 2 embryos. He looked in the microscope right before doing it and told me that one of the embryos had already become a 3 cell embryo. He also looked the catheter afterwards to make sure he had dropped “all the eggs in the basket”.

Although he gave me a very honest 25% of chances for a take home baby, I am feeling very positive. He wishes I had produced more eggs and he is confident that my main issue is egg quality rather than the endometriosis. He says it could be because of my prolactin levels that have been high for quite some time but isn't endometriosis also a factor in egg quality (in a way doctors don´t really know yet)?

I don´t know what to think. The weird part is that I am 27 years old, I shouldn’t be having egg quality issues. He didn’t really want to talk about options for the future but he did say if this doesn’t work he wants to stimulate me with femara instead of clomid.

I am using progesterone 3 times a day and I will have to have few more injections during this next two weeks. They want to simulate a pregnancy, deceive my body. I have been feeling really bloated and I am not sure how I am going to feel flying back to the States tomorrow.