I still have hope in my body, I still think it will happen someday.
So, when my husband starts pushing me to visit the doctor so we can discuss IVF, I just can't! I keep postponing!
Why can't he leave me alone with this for a while?? I am not done trying every damn thing I can. Why can't he freaking understand me?
Or is it me who is being selfish?
He will turn 40 soon and he can't wait to have a child. He feels he is already old. BUT THAT'S NOT MY FAULT! Even my infertility is not my fault!
Sometimes I just wish he would find someone else...
You're the woman, you'll be the one receiving all the shots, uncomfortable ultrasounds, blood work, etc. YOU should be the one to ultimately decide even though it's still a decision you make together. He needs to understand that, it's a huge and scary step!
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about wishing DH would find someone else sometimes. I feel like a failure and like I'm the one standing in DH's way of becoming a father. It's painful, but I know we can get through it if we work at it no matter the baby outcome! I hope you two can get it all figured out! Good luck! :)
He apologized later that day. It´s so complicated all this situation. Sometimes I imagine how infertile women can survive in countries that for different reasons are more traditional, where their only objective in life is to grow their family.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I believe the infertility issue is also hard on him. And he really wants a child. But I am not done trying other resources. It was already too hard on me when the IUIs didn´t work. I can´t take another negative right now.
Thanks for the message. It´s good to know I am not alone or the only one going through this! :*
Yes you are being selfish. However you are doing the correct thing by saying how you feel.
ReplyDeleteAs a husband watching his wife choose to suffer through pain instead of taking the easy way out I sympathize with the pain and uncertainty he is going through.
How would you feel if he shut up and stoped communicating about how he felt?
If your husband has done research then he may be pushing because pregnancy can help push endometriosis back.
We have gone through a few IVF attempts and it appears that the pain from that was not as bad as the pain from making love.
If he is like me then he really cares more about you no longer being in pain.
You are right Stronghart. I was being selfish, I still am. I know he wants to make happy and not suffer. I also understand he has the same right as I do to participate and communicate in such decisions in our relationship.
ReplyDeleteI will only say one thing though:
IVF hurts. You can not even compare with making love. Even if you make love wit someone that has a giant dick and you are completely dry. It hurts so very much more. Not only physically, but also emotionally, the last one taking much longer to go way. And if you are not ready, as I wasn't the effects in the relationship are much worse. It is been one year after our first attempt and we still haven't recovered 100%. I got really depressed and he did too.
Now we are talking about doing it again, but now I am waiting until I am ready and he is waiting as well and he feels sorry for having pushed me the way he did. He also feels guilty it didn't work, so he doesn't want the weight of a negative in his shoulder anymore. And I know how he feels, because I feel it every month. I read once that it is like the mourning of the child you never had. It might seem a little dramatic, but that´s exactly what happens after so many years of infertility. You mourn that precious child you dream about everyday that might never exist.