Femara, Spotting and other stuff

Needless to say last cycle did not work out. At least my period skipped a day so I could have a great Birthday evening. The following day, when my hopes were crashed, I had our trip to the sea side and friends that were traveling along with us to take my mind off of it.

I do want to say that my experience with Femara has been a little weird, very different of what happened when I took Clomid. With my tree cycles on Femara I had a little cramping around a week after implantation and very little light red spotting that filled my heart with hope. Also non stop brown spotting around 5 days before my period. No heat waves or sharp pains that happened while taking Clomid.

I am happy this is my last cycle on medication. It makes me sad to think that one more cycle of treatment has passed and still no success but I think I understand now that it is NOT going to happen "naturally". My tubes are obviously no good so there is no point in wasting time with stimulation, temping, reading, hoping, crying, etc. I have finally started making my mind up about doing in vitro again, and I decided to look into it after summer. I want to enjoy this summer without having to take dozens of shots like last year, I want to exercise, enjoy my friends, wear nice stuff (afterall we are in Europe) and just generally have a good time.

This month I am still taking femara and Dostinex and then next cycle I have an appointment to see if I will ovulate on my own when off medication and if the eggs are maturing. I want to ask my doctor for another blood test to check on my prolactin levels and then we should talk about IVF.

A friend of mine that is very lovely and concerned about my fertility troubles found a treatment in the black sea that promises a natural way to get you preggos. I am all pro trying alternative stuff but this time I am a little doubtful... There is a resort that uses mud of a region known from the Roman times to cure all sort of ailments. My mother in law goes there every year to treat her knees and many people from out of the country come to Bulgaria to this region for the healing properties of the mud. My friend went to treat her back and found this Obgyn that is specialized in fertility and the use of the local mud. Here is what I am a little nervous about: he introduces the mud vaginally and then massage your abdomen to make sure it goes through everywhere. He told her it is perfect to treat inflammation and ideal for ladies that deal with tubal issues. My friend had an ectopic and now only have one tube and she has been trying for a second child without success for a while now. I am sure it is safe but I feel a little nervous about putting mud up inside my uterus... I heard that are people who eat it... I don't know, I have to decide soon, she is going next week and wants me to go with her...

Last days wait

I had high hopes for this cycle. It was my second month on Femara. Also, I have been taking evening primrose oil, baby aspirin, maca, vitamin E and folic acid every day for more than 3 months now. I also had a confirmed ovulation on the side of my opened tube.

Today I am on day 26 of my cycle, 12 DPO. I have been cramping from 5DPO, but very little, almost unnoticeable. My FF chart confirmed (- 1 day) what the doctor said about when I ovulated. And I found out something new the other day that when you have EWCM it doesn't mean you are ovulating on that day, but that you will ovulate in 24-48 hours from that day. You should have intercourse on the day you get the egg white mucus because this type of mucus will help to keep the sperm alive and protect it from a possible acidic environment and it will allow the sperm to travel through your cervix into the egg. Well, I didn't know about that. 


I run an internet check on my doctor this weekend :) and I only found what I already expected, that he is honest and a very good doctor. That helped put my mind into peace for now. He said to keep taking femara and that I don't need to come to the office next cycle because he is certain I am ovulating regularly on my own. I am also thinking to take dostinex for one more month (to keep my prolactin down). I took my last one last week but I will keep taking it if I get my period. If prolactin is triggered by my nervous system I should be taking it until I finally get pregnant. I read about women who took it for a whole year before starting TTC.

So, I got all my ducks in a row during this cycle. If it doesn't happen it will be prove that I must start considering IVF again.

It doesn't look very promising, but hope is the last one to die, right?

Anxiety issues

From what I hear in forums and other blogs, everybody loves to tell an infertile woman that she is worrying too much about getting pregnant, that you have to relax and not think about it in order to get finally pregnant. It is like the international go-to answer when you don't find anything else to say.

I have to believe that this is not true because if it is I know I will never be able to get pregnant. I know I have serious anxiety issues. Sometimes it is more intense but everyday there is at least one tiny moment when I feel my blood boiling. I know it is a issue I have because I have no control about it. I am a very rational person, sometimes even a little cynical, and I know that getting mad for the things I do is not worth it. I tried everything to try to control my stress level, exercising, meditating, yoga, acupuncture, different types of tea and herbs. Nothing worked, at least not for very long. Meditation really helps me but only for few hours.

I feel so helpless. Yesterday I had two little anxiety attacks, one when I realize I made an error in my job that meant I lost one hour worth of work (that is NO big deal) and when my later that same day when my husband made a sarcastic comment (also not a big deal, he can be sarcastic 24/7).

Sunday I had an appointment with my doctor to check if I had ovulated. He said I had ovulated around 48 hours ago because he could see it through the corpus luteum and the lining of my uterus. I showed him when I thouth I had ovulated because there was one very specific day that I got a whole lot of egg white cervical mucus and it was only that day and the next was very watery and then it dried up. As I was showing him all the signs in my temperature chart he said I should stop checking my temperature everyday because it is making me think too much about this, that I should relax and not think about it.

OMG!!! How can I stop thinking about it?? Does he really think that is only because I take my temperature every morning that I am thinking about it? I am not obsessing, at least I don't think I am, I was way worse before. Still, I can't stop thinking about it. If the chances of achieving pregnancy relies on me stop thinking about getting pregnant I can see lots of BFN in my future.

Today I am feeling a heaviness in my uterus. Like when my period is about to come, but I am still on CD 19 and if my doctor is right implantation hasn't happened yet. Anyways, my hopes are not up, if something I feel really sad and hopeless today.

I found this yesterday on Facebook: (the girl even looks like me)
:D

Feeling positive and doubtful

This will be my second cycle on femara. I am excited because it seems that I am responding well with this drug. I had nice developed follicles last cycle, and I am hoping this month I will ovulate on the side of my good tube, so I have a little chance. Also my cycle was very light this month both in flow and pain, I only took one ibuprofen for pain.

Feeling a little doubtful though, seems like most people with tube issues are not able to conceive naturally and I am the living proof of it.

Last week I found out another good friend that was having trouble getting pregnant is 14 weeks along. I am truly happy for her, but I feel like I am being left behind. Even my blog friends are getting along with their life and family, and I am starting to feel a little lonely on this side of the line. I don't talk much with the husband about this issues anymore, don't want him thinking about it...

Let's hope my luck changes this month. It would be the perfect birthday gift.

Back to blocked tubes and high prolactin levels

Hello everybody! I am back again. So we are in Bulgaria trying to get things set into place. We decided to fix our apartment as soon as we got here; I guess we were spoiled in our dreamy house in America.

I am back to a fertility clinic. Avoiding it did not make a difference contrary of what everyone seems to recommend (“not to think about it”). We started all over again, and again I hear the same old dreadful news – endometriosis and blocked fallopian tubes.

I had another HSG and as the doctor pushed the dye there was no fill and spill. Then my doctor decided to push in more solution. I have to say it was really painful, and I can stand pain quite alright compared to few of my friends. My first HSG I barely felt any discomfort but this one was really painful, I almost fainted when I left the table. I was covered in cold sweat and breathing through the pain as he pushed more of the solution. Finally, my right tube filled and there was a spill in the abdomen cavity.

right open fallopian tube, normal uterus deviated to the left

 
Although the right tube is not looking really healthy (it is not as thin as it should be), the doctors had no doubt and said I should be able to get pregnant with this tube. This annoying feeling keeps on telling me that I will have to go down the IVF road again soon, but I don’t want to get anxious over something that hasn’t happened yet. I talked to my doctor about doing IVF again and he said it is not time yet. He said he’s seen many women with the same issues get pregnant naturally.

I started Femara this cycle; My doctor believes it works wonders in Endometriosis patients. Also, my prolactin level is high; it is the third time I get tested and the third time it is over the limits. I am on Dostinex (Cabergoline) for the next 4 weeks. I still have hope that the reason I haven't gotten pregnant yet is a matter of egg quality as a result to endometriosis, high prolactin and maybe bad timing. For now I am working very hard on keeping myself sane.

2013

Let me start by wishing (a very late) happy new year for everybody.

I love when the year starts. It is in fact my favorite holiday. It is time to be wishful and positive about the brand new calendar year that starts. As a Brazilian, we have the tradition of making wishes when the clock turns 12:00 and we dress up with new clothes and we wear colors that have meaning (as white for peace, red for love, etc.).

This year I decided not to wish for anything. I have been wishing the same thing for 3 consecutive new years now and for some reason no force in this universe is granting my wish.

 I do feel hopeful for 2013. This year feels like a true begging of a whole new cycle, I feel like I have grown and learn so much, maybe the Mayans were right after all. We are finally leaving the United States next week and going back to Europe. I can’t complain about our life here but to be honest I am happy to go back. When we came I was so excited. We were newlyweds, I’d finally learn English, finish my bachelor, my husband would finish his master and by the end of our three years here we would go back as a family.

Most of our plans went as planned, except one of course. That’s why I am starting this brand new year with no expectations. It won’t be easy, but this will be my “self-help” exercise in 2013. I never thought I would be so blessed in my life as I am right now. How would I have ever thought I would travel around the world, learn different cultures, meet the love of my life in the other side of the planet and even speak 3 foreign languages daily. I can’t complain of life at all. If there is something still missing it is probably because there are even better days yet to come.