Last days wait

I had high hopes for this cycle. It was my second month on Femara. Also, I have been taking evening primrose oil, baby aspirin, maca, vitamin E and folic acid every day for more than 3 months now. I also had a confirmed ovulation on the side of my opened tube.

Today I am on day 26 of my cycle, 12 DPO. I have been cramping from 5DPO, but very little, almost unnoticeable. My FF chart confirmed (- 1 day) what the doctor said about when I ovulated. And I found out something new the other day that when you have EWCM it doesn't mean you are ovulating on that day, but that you will ovulate in 24-48 hours from that day. You should have intercourse on the day you get the egg white mucus because this type of mucus will help to keep the sperm alive and protect it from a possible acidic environment and it will allow the sperm to travel through your cervix into the egg. Well, I didn't know about that. 


I run an internet check on my doctor this weekend :) and I only found what I already expected, that he is honest and a very good doctor. That helped put my mind into peace for now. He said to keep taking femara and that I don't need to come to the office next cycle because he is certain I am ovulating regularly on my own. I am also thinking to take dostinex for one more month (to keep my prolactin down). I took my last one last week but I will keep taking it if I get my period. If prolactin is triggered by my nervous system I should be taking it until I finally get pregnant. I read about women who took it for a whole year before starting TTC.

So, I got all my ducks in a row during this cycle. If it doesn't happen it will be prove that I must start considering IVF again.

It doesn't look very promising, but hope is the last one to die, right?

Anxiety issues

From what I hear in forums and other blogs, everybody loves to tell an infertile woman that she is worrying too much about getting pregnant, that you have to relax and not think about it in order to get finally pregnant. It is like the international go-to answer when you don't find anything else to say.

I have to believe that this is not true because if it is I know I will never be able to get pregnant. I know I have serious anxiety issues. Sometimes it is more intense but everyday there is at least one tiny moment when I feel my blood boiling. I know it is a issue I have because I have no control about it. I am a very rational person, sometimes even a little cynical, and I know that getting mad for the things I do is not worth it. I tried everything to try to control my stress level, exercising, meditating, yoga, acupuncture, different types of tea and herbs. Nothing worked, at least not for very long. Meditation really helps me but only for few hours.

I feel so helpless. Yesterday I had two little anxiety attacks, one when I realize I made an error in my job that meant I lost one hour worth of work (that is NO big deal) and when my later that same day when my husband made a sarcastic comment (also not a big deal, he can be sarcastic 24/7).

Sunday I had an appointment with my doctor to check if I had ovulated. He said I had ovulated around 48 hours ago because he could see it through the corpus luteum and the lining of my uterus. I showed him when I thouth I had ovulated because there was one very specific day that I got a whole lot of egg white cervical mucus and it was only that day and the next was very watery and then it dried up. As I was showing him all the signs in my temperature chart he said I should stop checking my temperature everyday because it is making me think too much about this, that I should relax and not think about it.

OMG!!! How can I stop thinking about it?? Does he really think that is only because I take my temperature every morning that I am thinking about it? I am not obsessing, at least I don't think I am, I was way worse before. Still, I can't stop thinking about it. If the chances of achieving pregnancy relies on me stop thinking about getting pregnant I can see lots of BFN in my future.

Today I am feeling a heaviness in my uterus. Like when my period is about to come, but I am still on CD 19 and if my doctor is right implantation hasn't happened yet. Anyways, my hopes are not up, if something I feel really sad and hopeless today.

I found this yesterday on Facebook: (the girl even looks like me)
:D

Feeling positive and doubtful

This will be my second cycle on femara. I am excited because it seems that I am responding well with this drug. I had nice developed follicles last cycle, and I am hoping this month I will ovulate on the side of my good tube, so I have a little chance. Also my cycle was very light this month both in flow and pain, I only took one ibuprofen for pain.

Feeling a little doubtful though, seems like most people with tube issues are not able to conceive naturally and I am the living proof of it.

Last week I found out another good friend that was having trouble getting pregnant is 14 weeks along. I am truly happy for her, but I feel like I am being left behind. Even my blog friends are getting along with their life and family, and I am starting to feel a little lonely on this side of the line. I don't talk much with the husband about this issues anymore, don't want him thinking about it...

Let's hope my luck changes this month. It would be the perfect birthday gift.