Anxiety issues

From what I hear in forums and other blogs, everybody loves to tell an infertile woman that she is worrying too much about getting pregnant, that you have to relax and not think about it in order to get finally pregnant. It is like the international go-to answer when you don't find anything else to say.

I have to believe that this is not true because if it is I know I will never be able to get pregnant. I know I have serious anxiety issues. Sometimes it is more intense but everyday there is at least one tiny moment when I feel my blood boiling. I know it is a issue I have because I have no control about it. I am a very rational person, sometimes even a little cynical, and I know that getting mad for the things I do is not worth it. I tried everything to try to control my stress level, exercising, meditating, yoga, acupuncture, different types of tea and herbs. Nothing worked, at least not for very long. Meditation really helps me but only for few hours.

I feel so helpless. Yesterday I had two little anxiety attacks, one when I realize I made an error in my job that meant I lost one hour worth of work (that is NO big deal) and when my later that same day when my husband made a sarcastic comment (also not a big deal, he can be sarcastic 24/7).

Sunday I had an appointment with my doctor to check if I had ovulated. He said I had ovulated around 48 hours ago because he could see it through the corpus luteum and the lining of my uterus. I showed him when I thouth I had ovulated because there was one very specific day that I got a whole lot of egg white cervical mucus and it was only that day and the next was very watery and then it dried up. As I was showing him all the signs in my temperature chart he said I should stop checking my temperature everyday because it is making me think too much about this, that I should relax and not think about it.

OMG!!! How can I stop thinking about it?? Does he really think that is only because I take my temperature every morning that I am thinking about it? I am not obsessing, at least I don't think I am, I was way worse before. Still, I can't stop thinking about it. If the chances of achieving pregnancy relies on me stop thinking about getting pregnant I can see lots of BFN in my future.

Today I am feeling a heaviness in my uterus. Like when my period is about to come, but I am still on CD 19 and if my doctor is right implantation hasn't happened yet. Anyways, my hopes are not up, if something I feel really sad and hopeless today.

I found this yesterday on Facebook: (the girl even looks like me)
:D