Femara, Spotting and other stuff

Needless to say last cycle did not work out. At least my period skipped a day so I could have a great Birthday evening. The following day, when my hopes were crashed, I had our trip to the sea side and friends that were traveling along with us to take my mind off of it.

I do want to say that my experience with Femara has been a little weird, very different of what happened when I took Clomid. With my tree cycles on Femara I had a little cramping around a week after implantation and very little light red spotting that filled my heart with hope. Also non stop brown spotting around 5 days before my period. No heat waves or sharp pains that happened while taking Clomid.

I am happy this is my last cycle on medication. It makes me sad to think that one more cycle of treatment has passed and still no success but I think I understand now that it is NOT going to happen "naturally". My tubes are obviously no good so there is no point in wasting time with stimulation, temping, reading, hoping, crying, etc. I have finally started making my mind up about doing in vitro again, and I decided to look into it after summer. I want to enjoy this summer without having to take dozens of shots like last year, I want to exercise, enjoy my friends, wear nice stuff (afterall we are in Europe) and just generally have a good time.

This month I am still taking femara and Dostinex and then next cycle I have an appointment to see if I will ovulate on my own when off medication and if the eggs are maturing. I want to ask my doctor for another blood test to check on my prolactin levels and then we should talk about IVF.

A friend of mine that is very lovely and concerned about my fertility troubles found a treatment in the black sea that promises a natural way to get you preggos. I am all pro trying alternative stuff but this time I am a little doubtful... There is a resort that uses mud of a region known from the Roman times to cure all sort of ailments. My mother in law goes there every year to treat her knees and many people from out of the country come to Bulgaria to this region for the healing properties of the mud. My friend went to treat her back and found this Obgyn that is specialized in fertility and the use of the local mud. Here is what I am a little nervous about: he introduces the mud vaginally and then massage your abdomen to make sure it goes through everywhere. He told her it is perfect to treat inflammation and ideal for ladies that deal with tubal issues. My friend had an ectopic and now only have one tube and she has been trying for a second child without success for a while now. I am sure it is safe but I feel a little nervous about putting mud up inside my uterus... I heard that are people who eat it... I don't know, I have to decide soon, she is going next week and wants me to go with her...

Last days wait

I had high hopes for this cycle. It was my second month on Femara. Also, I have been taking evening primrose oil, baby aspirin, maca, vitamin E and folic acid every day for more than 3 months now. I also had a confirmed ovulation on the side of my opened tube.

Today I am on day 26 of my cycle, 12 DPO. I have been cramping from 5DPO, but very little, almost unnoticeable. My FF chart confirmed (- 1 day) what the doctor said about when I ovulated. And I found out something new the other day that when you have EWCM it doesn't mean you are ovulating on that day, but that you will ovulate in 24-48 hours from that day. You should have intercourse on the day you get the egg white mucus because this type of mucus will help to keep the sperm alive and protect it from a possible acidic environment and it will allow the sperm to travel through your cervix into the egg. Well, I didn't know about that. 


I run an internet check on my doctor this weekend :) and I only found what I already expected, that he is honest and a very good doctor. That helped put my mind into peace for now. He said to keep taking femara and that I don't need to come to the office next cycle because he is certain I am ovulating regularly on my own. I am also thinking to take dostinex for one more month (to keep my prolactin down). I took my last one last week but I will keep taking it if I get my period. If prolactin is triggered by my nervous system I should be taking it until I finally get pregnant. I read about women who took it for a whole year before starting TTC.

So, I got all my ducks in a row during this cycle. If it doesn't happen it will be prove that I must start considering IVF again.

It doesn't look very promising, but hope is the last one to die, right?

Anxiety issues

From what I hear in forums and other blogs, everybody loves to tell an infertile woman that she is worrying too much about getting pregnant, that you have to relax and not think about it in order to get finally pregnant. It is like the international go-to answer when you don't find anything else to say.

I have to believe that this is not true because if it is I know I will never be able to get pregnant. I know I have serious anxiety issues. Sometimes it is more intense but everyday there is at least one tiny moment when I feel my blood boiling. I know it is a issue I have because I have no control about it. I am a very rational person, sometimes even a little cynical, and I know that getting mad for the things I do is not worth it. I tried everything to try to control my stress level, exercising, meditating, yoga, acupuncture, different types of tea and herbs. Nothing worked, at least not for very long. Meditation really helps me but only for few hours.

I feel so helpless. Yesterday I had two little anxiety attacks, one when I realize I made an error in my job that meant I lost one hour worth of work (that is NO big deal) and when my later that same day when my husband made a sarcastic comment (also not a big deal, he can be sarcastic 24/7).

Sunday I had an appointment with my doctor to check if I had ovulated. He said I had ovulated around 48 hours ago because he could see it through the corpus luteum and the lining of my uterus. I showed him when I thouth I had ovulated because there was one very specific day that I got a whole lot of egg white cervical mucus and it was only that day and the next was very watery and then it dried up. As I was showing him all the signs in my temperature chart he said I should stop checking my temperature everyday because it is making me think too much about this, that I should relax and not think about it.

OMG!!! How can I stop thinking about it?? Does he really think that is only because I take my temperature every morning that I am thinking about it? I am not obsessing, at least I don't think I am, I was way worse before. Still, I can't stop thinking about it. If the chances of achieving pregnancy relies on me stop thinking about getting pregnant I can see lots of BFN in my future.

Today I am feeling a heaviness in my uterus. Like when my period is about to come, but I am still on CD 19 and if my doctor is right implantation hasn't happened yet. Anyways, my hopes are not up, if something I feel really sad and hopeless today.

I found this yesterday on Facebook: (the girl even looks like me)
:D

Feeling positive and doubtful

This will be my second cycle on femara. I am excited because it seems that I am responding well with this drug. I had nice developed follicles last cycle, and I am hoping this month I will ovulate on the side of my good tube, so I have a little chance. Also my cycle was very light this month both in flow and pain, I only took one ibuprofen for pain.

Feeling a little doubtful though, seems like most people with tube issues are not able to conceive naturally and I am the living proof of it.

Last week I found out another good friend that was having trouble getting pregnant is 14 weeks along. I am truly happy for her, but I feel like I am being left behind. Even my blog friends are getting along with their life and family, and I am starting to feel a little lonely on this side of the line. I don't talk much with the husband about this issues anymore, don't want him thinking about it...

Let's hope my luck changes this month. It would be the perfect birthday gift.

Back to blocked tubes and high prolactin levels

Hello everybody! I am back again. So we are in Bulgaria trying to get things set into place. We decided to fix our apartment as soon as we got here; I guess we were spoiled in our dreamy house in America.

I am back to a fertility clinic. Avoiding it did not make a difference contrary of what everyone seems to recommend (“not to think about it”). We started all over again, and again I hear the same old dreadful news – endometriosis and blocked fallopian tubes.

I had another HSG and as the doctor pushed the dye there was no fill and spill. Then my doctor decided to push in more solution. I have to say it was really painful, and I can stand pain quite alright compared to few of my friends. My first HSG I barely felt any discomfort but this one was really painful, I almost fainted when I left the table. I was covered in cold sweat and breathing through the pain as he pushed more of the solution. Finally, my right tube filled and there was a spill in the abdomen cavity.

right open fallopian tube, normal uterus deviated to the left

 
Although the right tube is not looking really healthy (it is not as thin as it should be), the doctors had no doubt and said I should be able to get pregnant with this tube. This annoying feeling keeps on telling me that I will have to go down the IVF road again soon, but I don’t want to get anxious over something that hasn’t happened yet. I talked to my doctor about doing IVF again and he said it is not time yet. He said he’s seen many women with the same issues get pregnant naturally.

I started Femara this cycle; My doctor believes it works wonders in Endometriosis patients. Also, my prolactin level is high; it is the third time I get tested and the third time it is over the limits. I am on Dostinex (Cabergoline) for the next 4 weeks. I still have hope that the reason I haven't gotten pregnant yet is a matter of egg quality as a result to endometriosis, high prolactin and maybe bad timing. For now I am working very hard on keeping myself sane.

2013

Let me start by wishing (a very late) happy new year for everybody.

I love when the year starts. It is in fact my favorite holiday. It is time to be wishful and positive about the brand new calendar year that starts. As a Brazilian, we have the tradition of making wishes when the clock turns 12:00 and we dress up with new clothes and we wear colors that have meaning (as white for peace, red for love, etc.).

This year I decided not to wish for anything. I have been wishing the same thing for 3 consecutive new years now and for some reason no force in this universe is granting my wish.

 I do feel hopeful for 2013. This year feels like a true begging of a whole new cycle, I feel like I have grown and learn so much, maybe the Mayans were right after all. We are finally leaving the United States next week and going back to Europe. I can’t complain about our life here but to be honest I am happy to go back. When we came I was so excited. We were newlyweds, I’d finally learn English, finish my bachelor, my husband would finish his master and by the end of our three years here we would go back as a family.

Most of our plans went as planned, except one of course. That’s why I am starting this brand new year with no expectations. It won’t be easy, but this will be my “self-help” exercise in 2013. I never thought I would be so blessed in my life as I am right now. How would I have ever thought I would travel around the world, learn different cultures, meet the love of my life in the other side of the planet and even speak 3 foreign languages daily. I can’t complain of life at all. If there is something still missing it is probably because there are even better days yet to come.

Maca: a natural aphrodisiac that improves fertility

One of the effects of infertility that we don’t talk much about is the influence it has on our libido. Maybe it is just me but ever since we realized we might have fertility issues sex became a reproductive activity and not our special intimate time together. It could also be that the years are taking away our “fever” for each other.

No matter what is the real reason, I think I found the solution to improve sex drive while increasing fertility. In my constant search for herbs that improve fertility and reproductive health I found Maca. I had heard about it before from a friend and then last month I heard it from my husband’s boss.

 

Maca or Lepidium meyenii is a hearty root vegetable belonging to the radish family; it grows in the high Andean plateaus of Peru. It is best known for its ability to enhance fertility and libido.

South Americans even nicknamed it as the “Spanish Viagra”. In Peru they use Maca like a potato for food and drinks.

Health benefits of Maca: 

 • It is a powerful natural aphrodisiac and libido-enhancer that also promotes reproductive health. The journal Plant Science reported that maca increased the sperm count in male test subjects in just 2 weeks!
• It alleviates the symptoms of menopause and PMS. Indian women use it to treat menopausal symptoms, and Peruvian women have used it for years to encourage fertility and treat pre- and post-menstrual problems.
• It boosts energy levels and aids in athletic performance.
• Maca contains glucosinolate and fibers that help prevent certain forms of cancer.
• It promotes mental clarity. Researchers have given maca to students before tests to improve students’ test scores.
• Maca is an adaptogen, it increases the body’s resistance to stress, trauma, anxiety and fatigue.
• It is rich in antioxidants, fatty acids, vitamins, minerals, amino acids and other nutrients that support optimum health and longevity.
• Because of its high iron content, it has been shown to be beneficial for those who suffer from anemia.
• Maca contains terpenoids and saponins which give it the ability to relieve pain, act as expectorant, sedative and analgesic — and even lower cholesterol levels. I have been using it for 3 weeks and I have to say it does increase your libido.

First, let me explain that when I heard about Maca I didn’t know it was a natural aphrodisiac, but after taking it for a week I decided to research. My husband was surprised and I feel like my 20 year old self again. Since the beginning of this year I never felt like having sex. After our failed IVF and then all the fights I didn’t even want to think about sex.

Also I feel more energetic, I don’t feel so lazy and I feel like going to the gym every day. The other side effect that I am not so happy about is that it increases my appetite. I am hungry all the time. I have been going to bed earlier just so I won’t eat more. I got 2 extra pounds already and I am getting a little belly. Well, I am quite skinny so few extra pounds might even help to balance out my hormones.

Acupuncture for infertility

I started going twice per week to the acupuncture last month. Now I am going once per week because it was too heavy in our pockets and also Dr. Kim said that he needs to see more frequently in the beginning of the treatment and then later we can do it every other week.

Obviously I am not pregnant yet but I do feel differences. For example I went to my first acupuncture session right after I knew the IVF hadn't worked.  I was spotting really dark for several weeks and then the next day after the acupuncture my period finally came stronger instead of the constant spotting and I had mild cramps instead of the severe one I usually have. Well, that could also be because of the hormone treatment so I am expecting my next cycle to end to see if the results are consistent.

He places more than 30 needles around my body. I took a picture of my abdomen so you guys can see it. After inserting the needles he has a standing electric heater that he places right above my belly for the first 25 minutes and then comes check all the needles and move the heater to my feet for the next 20 minutes.

I also have needles in my head to treat my anxiety/depression. I think I am still anxious about the whole thing. How do we turn off that overwhelming desire of having a beautiful healthy baby? I am working really hard on that. I have been meditating more, trying to clean my head of thoughts at least once per day and trying to concentrate on the positive things of my life...

Lookind ahead

Is it really almost the end of the year? Is there only two more months in 2012? Time really does fly or is it only me? It has been quite some time that I don’t post. I have been waiting to feel more positive, to be in a better mood. I don’t want to bore or depress my readers. If you seek this subject (infertility, endometriosis) online you probably already have quite few problems of your own. 

My friend Vicente told me once that my blog was very negative. He said, "I just read the first two sentences - title and subtitle, I guess - and just saw negative words". He is really into “intenSati” lifestyle and he’s learning lots about being more of a positive person ever since he started. I cannot change the circumstances of my life, and my life is a bit sad and negative, but I can change the dark scheme of colors and the wording of this page. So, if you are a reader of my blog you will notice few differences in the page. 

I might not be able to turn my life around 360 degree but I can also try to learn how to be more positive and relaxed. It sounds a little cheesy and cliché the whole “think positive” thing but it does seem much easier to live focusing in the order of things and not the chaos. Mind and body are in constant balance and I must find that balance.

When I started this blog my objective was to find people that were going through the same, so we could talk and share experiences. I actually have found people I can talk freely and relate to. I also wanted to “find” a way to improve my condition by hearing others experiences and trying things in a less western kind of way. I kind of gave up in all the Alternative Medicine when I started thinking about IVF. I thought it was a quicker solution. Boy was I wrong!? IVF really disturbed not only my mind but also my husband’s. It completely messed up my cycle – I’ve been spotting for more than 2 weeks now. And it is obviously getting in the way of my marriage. 

I decided to stop trying so hard. No doctor seems to find a specific problem with me. Yes, I have endometriosis, yes, I am low responder, yes, I have been trying for almost 3 years, but still haven’t other women with similar issues had their families and moved on. Deep down I know that I am very anxious and stress probably plays a big role in this whole infertility issue. 

I am back to Acupuncture. This time I found a new place with a Korean practitioner that have been doing it for more than 30 years and have gotten his practice from his father that was also an acupuncture practitioner back in Korea. I feel completely different when I have my consult with Dr. Kim compared to how it was with Bryon Jones. He did insist to see me more times, every week for the first two months. He said that I have lots of stagnation in abdomen area and that qi is not flowing.

Dr. Kim has been trying to help me with my anxiety as well. He applies several needles in my head, forehead, ears and sides of my neck. I count last time there were about 32 needles distributed in my body. Last time I was complaining about insomnia, I suffer of it from time to time. He suggested I meditate for a little bit every day, he showed me how to sit and breathe. To be honest I haven’t started yet, but I have been going to yoga classes. 

Last month I started a yoga classes every Sunday that it is taught by a retired cardiovascular surgeon in a Hindu temple. We meditate and after few ohms I feel like I am going to fly. The days I still feel uneasy and anxious I take a Valerian herbal pill. I am getting back to normal, one day after another. It will take some time but I hope to be feeling like usual or better by Christmas time. I can only change the future, it is time to look ahead and forget the rest.

Life after a failed IVF

We always knew that the chances were very small, even more when our doctor said I was a low responder and not only did I not produce more eggs than it was expected but also my little angels-embryos had a late development during fertilization. Even when you know, you keep hoping and praying for yourself that you will be one of those exceptions or happy end stories. Well, we were not, and it hurts.

My period has been crazy. I started spotting on Wednesday (26^th Sept.) and then next day nothing. Friday it came back again, now with lots of cramps and lower back pain. The cramps are way worse, they come in waves and I can feel all the muscles contracting like a cramp in your leg when you’re swimming or something…  For the last four days I have a very light spotting and not much pain. Another strange fact is that my temperatures are way up. Friday (98.3F), Saturday (98.1F) and Tuesday (97.8F). I believe this is why my period is like undecided on whether come or not, usually my temperatures fall to 96.9 – 97.1 on the first day of my cycle. The doctor said that it will take at least one cycle for my body come back to normal. 

On Sunday I had a meltdown. As every other couple, my husband and I have issues that we can never resolve, and every time we have to face them we have a fight. Sunday, however, it was blown up way out of proportion.  He didn’t behave like an understanding husband and I got really mad and then (as it usually happens with us) he got mad at me because I was mad. He has this conception where I have to contain myself just so he doesn't get angry. I realize it was one of those lose-lose situations and when we got home I took some stuff and I was ready to spend the night at a friend’s house. I am sure it would have been ok the next day, if he didn’t have threatened me that I couldn’t come back if I left and then took my car keys away when I was ready to leave anyways.

When I get nervous I get into a crazy spiral. I get mad, stressed, nervous, really nervous and then hysteric. We both know that and usually he takes a step back and leave me alone or I take a step back and leave the situation for a while so we can talk it out when we are cool and calm. That did not happen. I couldn’t leave and I got hysteric, I threw up twice and I had difficulties breathing. He got nervous seeing me this way and got himself into a crazy frenzy of kicking stuff around the house. He is usually not like this, that's why I know this infertility stuff is probably affecting him more than I could imagine.

Now we are sleeping in different rooms, we don’t talk to each other. I can’t stop crying, I feel I can’t breathe all the time, my chest hurts... Though, I understand we are both going through a crazy thing, I am still very disappointed with him. I understand he is as frustrated as I am for having a negative result but he should be aware that being someone’s support take much more than what I have been getting from him. 

Infertility is taking all my dreams away.

How long does it take for a HCG shot (pregnyl) to leave your system?

I saw this question posted in several forums and blogs and decided to write about my experience with it. I know that during our 2 weeks wait we are always obsessing to know if we are getting a real BFP and I hope my experience can help someone looking for a little comfort.

I took HCG shots to trigger my ovulation in all 4 IUIs. The doctors would say that I could only have a beta at least 14 days after the HCG shot to avoid false positives. I don’t remember how much was the dose but 7 after the shot I would have negative urine tests. There was this once when I had a blood test exactly 14 days after my shot and it came back inconclusive. I don’t really know if it was a chemical or traces of the shot because the next day AF arrived. 

During my last IVF cycle I had not only a HCG trigger shot but I also had a second shot in the middle of the 2 week wait as a booster (5000 iu). 5 days after the booster (15 dpo or 13dp2dt ) my doctor asked for a beta. I couldn’t really understand why he would ask me to have a blood test when it would be probably a deceiving result. My beta was 28. He said that it was probably negative because by this time if there was a healthy embryo and it had implanted I should have at least a beta of 50-60. He also said that I probably had an implantation but it didn’t take because if it was only traces of the shot I would have a beta with less than 16. 

I don’t know if I believe him or not. He probably has more experience than I do with all this hormone craziness. I read that it takes 1 day per 1000 iu for the HCG shot leave your system. Obviously, in my case 5 days after the shot I still had HCG in my blood stream. I would say that testing only 2 weeks after is being too cautious but testing 5 days later is maybe too early. The doctor told me then to stop all the shots (yay!) and wait for my period :( AF has not shown it ugly face yet but I’ve been testing at home and the line gradually disappeared around 7-8 days after the shot. 

To conclude, I think everyone is different and it probably depends on your weight, if you drink lots of liquids after the shot, the dose administrated and etc. My experience says my body takes a week to excrete the whole 5000 IU Pregnyl shot. I do believe if you have a HCG trigger and a week later you have a positive stick in your hand or if you faint line gets darker the following days you are probably looking at the real thing. 

Confusing news and results

I have been waiting anxiously to write a post here. The second week wait wasn't pleasant but not as awful as I thought it would be. I got really anxious two days before my first beta that was schedule for yesterday, and to make things easier on my nerves they made me wait for the quantitative results until this morning.

So I have some confusing news to share. My IVF doctor had asked for a pregnancy test on day 13 after the transfer (13dp2dt) and since I am back to the States I went to my clinic and ask for the test. The nurse didn't really wanted to give me a blood test, she first offered a urine test and after I decline she sent me directly to the laboratory although this is obviously not the standard procedure. She was not an american, otherwise I don't think I would have gotten my beta right now. I don't want to generalize but a regular American (maybe the ones with a lower education level) can not really think outside of the box. Once, at the hospital the receptionist asked me to read my social number because she got confused with the way I wrote the numbers!!! What?! "My no. one is not a single straight vertical dash", she said, but it is exactly like this "1", a little pointy at the top. I am tolerant with cultural differences not with old good fashion stupidity.

Here is where it gets really confusing and frustrating and my tears are covering my face as write this. The test was positive with beta of 28. If it was a natural cycle I would be more than happy by now but 5 days ago I had a HCG booster shot (pregnyl) of 5000 iu. I really don't understand why my doctor would ask a pregnancy test after such a short time of a HCG shot. I seriously suspect that he is trying to deceive us at having one positive pregnancy test. It could also be my nervous and stressed mind thinking the worse of people.

Now, I would like to have a second and maybe a third test like any other person that goes through IVF, but my clinic now has to follow procedure and that said I need to make an OB appointment. I just tried to do schedule it, but as soon as I said the I had an IVF done all the doors shut down on my face and they suggest I go back to my IVF clinic and come back when I know for sure I am pregnant.

I understand I am a particular case, that not a lot of women have IVF in one country and then have to live in another for work reasons. Also, I can see that having a military health insurance (Tricare) makes it even more difficult for them to adapt to a diferent situation, everything has to follow protocol. So what do I do no??

I might have to look for a private clinic to keep going with my treatment. This is ridiculous. My husband came back from work and he saw I was upset on the phone but it didn't really help. Every time I look at him I feel even more like a failure. We shouldn't have done IVF this way, I knew from the beginning but every time I would say no he would get really mad thinking I wasn't doing my part, that I was just giving up. Even the doctor suggested that we should wait a little more and pursuit IVF a little later but when DH sets something on his mind it is as good as done. He actually thanked me every time he would give me a shot for doing this for the family. Sometime I whished he was a more relaxed person but he is as anxious as I am. Also I believe technology has spoiled us. We are used to have whatever we want, whenever we want, wherever we are.

Nobody is to blame here, not us or the doctors not even the f@%&-?#% Tricare. The fact is that we need to learn to be more patient and understand that sometimes the universe works in mysterious ways.

One week after transfer, one week to go

Today is officially the end of the first week wait. It was not that terrible really. I mean, of course I am constantly over analyzing my symptoms but the time seemed to fly. I am still sleeping off the time difference.

The trip back to the U.S. wasn’t so bad. Fortunately I was able to sleep half of the trip, also I found very kind people in my way that would help me with my hand luggage. I read that I shouldn’t lift more than 5 pounds, so I packed I really light hand luggage, only a jacket and my laptop.

I also read a lot about resting and diets that you should do after the transfer. To be sincere I am not following anything strictly. All the suggestions people give contradict each other and I am afraid of doing something wrong, trying to do the right thing. I decide I will continue with my life normally and just try to take it easy in exercise or heavy food. I have been having soup almost every day. First, I love soups, and because it is easier for the stomach to process. I want my whole buddy concentrating its energy in hugging the embryos and making a nice and healthy environment for them to grow strong.

I do have a little anecdote from my trip. On the longest flight from Zurich to Philadelphia I had the company of a very persistent Protestant-Christian-Republican guy. As soon as we started talking I thought to myself and actually even told him that I wasn’t interested in discussing very deep stuff. Obviously we wouldn’t share the same point views. I realized he would try to start a conversation all the time and try to steer it to a religious topic. When the plane was getting close to land he became very aggressive and like in a rush to preach me his agenda.

I lived in many countries and I think I am learning how to be more and more tolerant, not only religiously wise but in all aspects. I used to love debating but I learned that only words won’t change opinions that easily. I mean, you should have an opinion and beliefs but if you choose to share it with others you have to be prepared to have someone disagreeing with you and understand that he might be right even when being wrong. One single thing can be looked at so many different perspectives that I will never be so arrogant as to think I know it all. “The more I learn the less I know”, “all I know is that I know nothing” … Just to conclude, protestants, Christians, republicans, liberals, atheists, Catholics, democrats, everybody, do not alienate people. I end the conversation with the guy being a little rough but still politely enough. I didn’t want to get nervous or stressed and hurt my little embryos with a conversation that had no benefit at all for both of us.

I have been feeling cramps ever since the transfer. Every time I stand up I have very sharp cramps that last for 5 seconds and the completely go away. I typed into Dr. Google and the comments were from “implantation cramps” to “early miscarriage”. We found our doctor yesterday on Skype and we asked him because yesterday I was feeling really dizzy as well. The doctor said that cramps are a good sign and 9 days after transfer I might feel my breasts more sensitive.

Just for my despair, today I have no cramps. I only wished I could know if it worked before I have to take all the remaining injections. I have a feeling the next week will be way longer than the last one.

The Transfer

On Wednesday, I had a 2 days transfer. I read a lot around and I see that there are a lot of discussions about it since most clinics do a 3-5 day transfer. From the forum discussions I concluded that the most recent ones mention a 2 day transfer, maybe it is a new trend. I actually agree with my doctor when he says he prefers the embryo to be transferred as soon as possible and let the womb work its miracle.

We had a nice long talk before the transfer because the two beds were occupied with 2 ladies that had just had their transfer. We have to lay down for a little over an hour after the transfer. He told me that from my four eggs, one was inactive, probably too old and another one were not mature enough to be fertilized. We ended up with 2 embryos of 2 cells. He explained that on day 2 they should be between 2-4 cells. He expressed a little concern saying that they multiplied that morning instead of doing it during the night; they had then an 8 hours “develop-delay”.

As he is explaining everything to me I am laughing inside my head. I am known for not being a night person, my husband loves going out at night and I always hated it. I like going to sleep around 10 and my brain starts working only in the morning after my coffee jump start.

The transfer was exactly like an insemination. The doctor opened my cervix and inserted a catheter that contained the 2 embryos. He looked in the microscope right before doing it and told me that one of the embryos had already become a 3 cell embryo. He also looked the catheter afterwards to make sure he had dropped “all the eggs in the basket”.

Although he gave me a very honest 25% of chances for a take home baby, I am feeling very positive. He wishes I had produced more eggs and he is confident that my main issue is egg quality rather than the endometriosis. He says it could be because of my prolactin levels that have been high for quite some time but isn't endometriosis also a factor in egg quality (in a way doctors don´t really know yet)?

I don´t know what to think. The weird part is that I am 27 years old, I shouldn’t be having egg quality issues. He didn’t really want to talk about options for the future but he did say if this doesn’t work he wants to stimulate me with femara instead of clomid.

I am using progesterone 3 times a day and I will have to have few more injections during this next two weeks. They want to simulate a pregnancy, deceive my body. I have been feeling really bloated and I am not sure how I am going to feel flying back to the States tomorrow.

The Retrieval

On Monday we went early in the morning to the clinic. I was with an empty stomach, I haven’t had anything to eat for the last 15 hours. I think if I had anything on my stomach I would have thrown up anyway. I was making a real effort not to cry. I don’t think DH noticed. I am ashamed to say but deep down I was wishing that I had prematurely ovulated as the Doctor was expecting, just so i wouldn’t risk knowing that IVF failed later. I am a coward, I know. 

Against all the bids my 4 little follicles were there, patiently waiting in my ovaries.

So they start to get me ready for the retrieval. All the nurses were very sweet, except one that is always little bossy and rude but that day she was treating me fairly well. The anesthesiologist was awful; I get goose bumps just remembering. I mean he was nice and talked me through everything but it was far the worse needle experience I had in the last few months. I imagine that because I was nervous he couldn’t hit a vein. I was passing out even before he had injected the anesthesia. I just remember looking from the ultrasound monitor to the ceiling and thinking, “here we go”...

It’s the second time I remember waking up from anesthesia and feeling really alone, an awful emotional sensation, I started crying. My husband came running to tell me everything was fine and they got 4 nice looking eggs. I was happy but still I kept feeling a little panic sensation. Can’t explain why, I think it’s because of the anesthesia; it affects me in a weird way.

The doctor prescribed me an antibiotic and progesterone. I had a little abdomen pain after the procedure that faded away at night.

My husband after producing his part of the deal (I envy being a man so much), he took me home and went directly to the airport. He has too much going on and he had to be back to the States for several reasons. I am not really happy to stay here alone but we don’t have many choices. Today we talked and he called the clinic to check on the progress of our "Embibabies". One of them didn’t make, it was too old. Another has already showed signs of life and the other two they fear that they weren’t mature enough. Although we were expecting more, the truth is that I only need one to be strong and make it.

The transfer will be tomorrow at 2pm. I don’t even want to fantasize much about it. My plan is to go a little earlier have a healthy and light lunch somewhere around the clinic and come back with a taxi and lay back for the rest of the day. Maybe I will watch a funny movie... someone told me to laugh after the transfer might help the process.

Yesterday's visit

Yesterday we went to our last visit before the retrieval. We signed everything that we had to sign and finally our doctor said my LH levels are higher than it should, which means I could ovulate prematurely. At this point there is nothing we can do, keep going and on Monday check again, in case I have already ovulated we will have to cancel the whole thing.

I am trying not to lose my peace over this but I can't hide I am a little frustrated. My hubby seems to keep hopes up. I fear for him.

Today we got some more annoying news. They found a bacteria in my vaginal screen that kills sperm. Now I have to use a medicine called Metronidazole to make sure this bacteria don't interfere with anything on Monday. Wikipedia says 1 in every 3 women will have a vaginal bacteria at least once in their life.

I ask myself how did nobody ever checked me for that? More than 2 years trying to conceive, I'd think they would check me thoroughly before sending me for surgery or infertility treatments. Maybe this bacteria is a new thing. Who knows... Doctors should understand that the basis of their science should be first find the problem and then cure it and not try several treatments until they find a result.

Does anyone ever wonders how population grow being so hard to conceive? I've been thinking about it lately...

News on my IVF cycle

I finally met my doctor personally after months of Skype consults and emails translated by my husband. Well, I had a good feeling about him. He made the effort to speak in English, and his English was surprisingly good, there were a few American and German diplomas and certificates hanging in his office. I can feel he wants to help me and not only take our money away. 

In the ultrasound he found the “endometrioma” in like 3 seconds. I still wonder why no doctor ever mentioned it to me during my yearly examination, or that my American RE needed a laparoscopy to know if I in fact had endometriosis. In his opinion most probably my endometriosis wasn’t the problem since 1 in every 2 women he screens has it. 

He is a little disappointed that I only produced 4 eggs during the stimulation which made he think that during the 4 insemination-cycles I was either producing empty follicles or the quality of the eggs were not good (endometriosis plus high levels of prolactin are factors in egg quality).  He said that Clomid can be deceiving and that he does not use it with his patients. 

I am not really happy with the news but I am learning not to be devastated with infertility matters. I still have faith I will have children, if not now, at some point in my life. We decided that we will go on with the procedure. The doctor adjusted my injections doses and now I will be having 2 injections per day instead of one. Yay! It is basically the same dose but spread during the day, so we can imitate the body’s natural release of hormones. 

My very skilful hubby is giving me all the injections and doing a great job. It barely hurts, I feel a little light headed because of my fear of needles, but nothing major. First injection the poor guy was all sweat but now he is a true professional. 

Monday we will be doing the retrieval. We have to be there punctually at 8.30 am and I will be sleeping during the whole thing (thanks God). Cross your fingers for me please! :)