IVF in August

Finaly we reached a consensus! We are going ahead with IVF. The doctor we contacted back in Europe has given us all the direction and all we have to do to go ahead with IVF in August. Up to now, I wasn’t really nervous, but yesterday when we were looking for the medicines to buy online and the tickets I got into panic mode.  I started fighting with my husband because of nothing really important. Poor guy! He’s been so stressed this time around, since he has to do pretty much all the work translating between me and the doctor. When we had the IUIs, the only thing he knew was the day to show up and produce the sperm. Now, he is thinking about medicines, dates, shots, I can see he is really anxious and nervous. He keeps asking me to not get depressed if IVF doesn’t work and to not make him feel guilty.

I feel so sorry for him, but can I really promise him I will be fine if IVF doesn’t work? Of course not!  I will be destroyed. So there is no other option but a positive result. I can’t really imagine going through all of this more than once. 

 

I am leaving to Europe in 10 days. I will start with a GnRH agonist (Nafarelin) on day 20 of this cycle that just started, around August 8^th, and then induction will start on the 21^st. I have been reading about Nafarelin/ Synarel, couldn’t find much though. It seems that they only use this in a few countries in Europe. It is not only used to control ovarian stimulation but it also used to treat conditions such as endometriosis or uterine fibroids. 

Our major concern right now is the distance. I am sending all the test he asked from the U.S. but it is not the same as if it was from his laboratory of preference. Also, he will be on vacation right when I start the induction and he won't be able to see me every other day as it is usually done. But we won't have other chance to go with our schedules, so it is now or never. The doctor is still confident we can make it work. As if all of this wasn't enough, I will be at my mother's house and I don't want to tell her what is going on. I don't need the extra pressure... uff... it will be a crazy month, that is for sure!

Thanks to my endometriosis I had the worst period of the year during the whole weekend. Nothing helped, I was really bloated, awful cramps and very high flow.  The flow was very dark and the clots were bigger than ever. I wonder if the baby aspirin is helping at all. Today is day 5 of my cycle and I am spotting and I still feel a burning sensation in my left side. I can't wait to go right back to birth control pills so I can keep my endo under control.

Fertility Massage

I found this video very self explanatory about Femoral Reproductive Massage. I had heard about it before and decided to give it a try this month. We started doing it yesterday. I can really feel that the blood flow kind of gets interrupted and then released.

If this doesn't work at least it is a way to have your partner be part of the process and kind of feel useful. Infertility is hard on them too, they might not show like we do or it might not be as upsetting as it is for us, but they all feel the frustration and pain of infertility.

DAY 01

Like a little clock my period came today. Perfect 28 days cycles or another failed cycle, it only depends how you look at it. I did not have any pain during this cycle, not even around ovulation. No mid cycle spotting and as for now mild cramps. However, no BFP either!! I can't wait for the day I will see something different in that dreadful stick.

As usual, I woke up this morning with the awful feeling of knowing aunt Flo has arrived we all know about.
 

I will spend my next TREE DAYS trying to control pain with all my little holistic tricks...
Ginger Root Infusion: relax muscles
Red Raspberry Leaf capsules: antispasmodic
Evening Primrose Oil: reduces inflammation
Fish Oil: reduces inflammation

Beautiful cervix website

Few months ago I ask someone in a forum how did she check her cervix for changes and she told me to look online for more detailed information and I stumbled with the Beautiful cervix website.

I have to admit I felt a little grossed out at first when I saw the pictures. However it is very educative and now I can only think I wish I could take a look at mine everyday as well! :)

Hope you guys like it:
http://www.beautifulcervix.com/cervix-photo-galleries/photos-of-cervix/

Trying to keep positive

Here is a picture of my nightstand, and this is only the stuff I am using all the time, if you open the first drawer you will find three times more... Am I the only crazy one that obsesses about my infertility and endometriosis? Hope not.

From this month I decided that I won’t be going to acupuncture anymore. My acupuncturist had “promised” me that he would help me to get pregnant until spring. No need to say, I am still childless. 

I understand that it was a promise he made in order to give me hope and keep me positive. I wish it had become true and every month I was sure that I was indeed pregnant. Fooling myself with symptoms. Ladies, spotting is spotting! Let’s stop going crazy with what does it mean if it is pink red or brownish or just a little or early… I do not test anymore. I have a rule, 5 days late and I go to the nurse office to ask for a blood test. It is hard to wait but I believe it is better to get a definite result than testing and getting false hopes. Which doesn't mean that by day 28 of my cycle I am not typing into my google search all the symptoms I have (mostly in my head).

Also, I was expecting him to make his research about my condition and really give me an individual treatment. Suggest me herbs, make a calendar planning of when to take what… I don’t know, a real alternative treatment designed specifically for me. That’s why I paid 80 dollars per visit. But I wasn’t getting it, and for a general treatment that is used on any other person, I can get a doctor's appointment covered by my insurance. In fact, I would tell him what I read and what I am taking and he would write it down to read about it later and maybe suggest other patients the same. I wanted to say sometimes “Bryon, I am not paying you so you can take lessons from me”. Anyway, it is not his fault I am not pregnant, I just lost my faith on him, and this is more than enough to not go anymore.

I am still taking the evening primrose oil and I took aspirins during this whole cycle, still taking it. My midwife’s neighbor told her to keep taking it although she is already pregnant. According to her, in the future, all women will take baby aspirins when trying to conceive or seeking for fertility enhancement.  

This month I know I am out. I am on day 22 of my cycle but we didn’t have a chance to baby dance as much as I would have liked. We were both busy during fertile days and just did it twice. I barely saw my husband that week and the following. So, I don’t believe that was enough juice to get me preggos :) I did read about a lot of other alternative methods to get pregnant but they were all really weird and decided not to post. There is a limit to everything. My suggestion for today is just to try to keep positive, and keep your mind in the target. Every night when I am almost asleep I picture myself carrying my baby in my arms and I know that when this day gets here I will think it was all worth it!

Feeling a little discouraged

On the 31^st. of this Month I will be 27 years old. I prayed so much to be blessed with a BFP this week, but instead I got my period yesterday.  This cycle’s been so painful. It first started with spotting on CD11. Then I had cramps every other day, nothing major, but noticeable. From yesterday I feel like my whole abdomen is very sensitive. Everything hurts. The cramps are awful. I lost count of how many Ibuprofen, Aspirin, Fish oil and Red Raspberry capsules I took already. Nothing seems to work. Today I don’t have so much pain but I feel very uncomfortable, my back hurts and I am passing lots of clots.

I really don’t understand. I thought that with changes in my diet, all the supplements I am taking, exercising regularly and acupuncture, my body would be healing faster. Today I feel like giving up on all of this. What is the point?

Fertility recipe from eastern europe countryside

I have a very dear friend and God know how I value her patience as I am always complaining to her about my fertility issues. As a good friend that understands what I am going through (she also had fertility issues for almost 2 years before her dear daughter was born) she is always passing along information that might help with infertility. 

This time someone told her that if you are having fertility issues you should take 2 aspirins around and apply a bandage in your lower back with crushed mustard seeds after intercourse when ovulating. According to my friend, the aspirin would “open” the blood vessels increasing blood flow. Applying the mustard seeds in your lower back would help to increase the temperature in this area, helping to increase the blood flow, now in your ovaries and tubes.

When I told my husband about this recipe he wasn’t really convinced but I was intrigued and decided to look up for some information or search someone else that had tried it. I couldn’t find anything in the forums and Google search, but from what I read this recipe might make sense.
The mustard seeds are known for penetrating deep into your skin and having a warm effect in the area you apply it. 

The aspirin don’t really open the blood vessels but if taken in a long term basis it might increase blood flow to the uterus (helping implantation and even releasing more than one egg per cycle) and prevent blood clotting that might block the flow of things. From what I’ve read many doctors prescribe a daily dose of baby aspirin when patients need help with fertility.

So, based on the facts I would change the recipe for taking one Baby aspirin every day (which is a lower doses of aspirin, it contains about 81 mg or less of aspirin) and apply the mustard seeds to the lower back after intercourse during fertile week. You can crush the mustard seed and mix with a little flour and olive oil to make it sticky, so it stays where it is supposed to.

However, aspirin has its adverse effects. The most common I’ve read it is the risk of gastrointestinal bleeding. As always, you get a medicine to help one thing and it damages another.

If this cycle doesn’t work I think I might start taking baby aspirin for a while as well. My bed side is getting crowded with medicine bottles…